nana johari

November 13, 2016

white dress: 2016



Somehow I think 2016 is the year of fighting, as in fighting for your rights, for what's important, fighting for the truth etc. Personally speaking la, it is strongly felt this year. They say 2016 is the year of realizing things, there's a truth to that too actually, in my case. A lot of shit has happened- is happening to people this year, people have been talking about it. Based on numerology, it's said this year is year number 9, the end of the circle. Next year, 2017 is year 1, the beginning of a new one. Not that I use numerology, I find it interesting to see the connection- or coincidence- depends on how you look at it.

I feel like I've been through worse - this is not me tempting fate, it's just my assessment - which is quite surprising to me, because this year so far has been... very not only emotionally but mentally challenging in itself. Imagine a box containing your world- everything that you have known, now shake and kick that freaking box.

Surprising nevertheless. Because, well, it's not that I don't feel anything, I do- but it's different. It's the laughter that tastes bitter at the end, you take a deep breath and shake your head, look up to the sky and empty your mind. Maybe I'm tired of the world's shit; if the world gives me shit, I'll do whatever I think is necessary. If crying is necessary at that time, then that's what I will do. Cry, scream, get a slice of homemade pizza and watch your reality crumbling down in front of you. The next step will be to choose between building things up again, or just sitting and staring at the pieces.

Maybe I'll sit down and watch, shake my head and say 'this world is so shitty, God' sounding surprised when I have known all along, and then get back up to build it again. For whatever reasons.  

I'm messed up, but I'm still working, I don't know how exactly or for how long I will be, but for now I am.




2 comments:

  1. insyaallah theres somewhere/someway to get yourself back.
    even if its not the same old you, you create yourself.
    be strong, they say the world is cruel.
    but in the cruelty, youll always find somewhere to recuperate. to lay back to.

    broken english, ahhaha

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    Replies
    1. Yes, we are all evolving into a better version of ourselves, InsyaAllah.

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